One Mississippi, Two Mississippi...

I swam in the village s/p the five day closing (grrr!) for maintenance.  What really got me was that the second hand clock had not been fixed.  The hands on the clock lay at the bottom of the clock inside the plastic covering.  While I swam, a worker fooled around inside the clock but did not fix it.  Without the second hand, my stretches cannot be officially timed, forcing me to have a more relaxed attitude than I care to.  A man in the lane beside me hit hands with me, like giving one another five, while swimming in opposite directions.  He was swimming on his back, and I was swimming on my front.  It was exciting and felt like a move that would be part of an aquatic square dance.  We treated it like it had been choreographed ahead, not exchanging a word or even a look.  Regular swimmers usually don't react unless it's a real mishap because it happens now and then, and, anyhow, an exchange interrupts the cardio.  Swim/gym cliche of the day:
A: (looks over at B examining lockers as if in slow motion), "Forget which is your locker?"
B: (distracted), "Yeah..."
A: "Oh, that happens to me sometimes.  I hate that! Good luck."
B: "Thanks..."

Touching Hands . . .

Today I rolled out of bed and put on a swimsuit.  During the week, it's best (though not always possible) to swim in the middle of the day or late at night.  On the weekends, it's least crowded in the mornings and late evenings.  This seems to be true for all pools.  It was an easy swim today.  A girl and I touched hands as we passed, and I thought to myself how kind it is to the other swimmers that I keep my fingernails short.  The lifeguard was a young, white, skinny guy who walks around the pool a lot of the time.  He's bored or exercising.  He doesn't discipline us, though every time I see him I think I'm going to hear him tell me I'm under arrest.  He's actually friendly.  We exhange quiet smiles.  After swimming, at the healthy snack bar, I bought a cranberry grapefruit smart water (0 calories, noncarbonated, fruit flavor enhanced water).  It's a recent new fun drink addition to my life.  I had been turned off by smart water after one day having their watermelon water.  But then one day on the gym elevator I saw a man drinking a strawberry bannana smart water and I asked, "How are those?" as I pointed to the water.  He shrugged, not looking at me, and muttered, "Gimmick."  Maybe so, but the cranberry grapefruit one really carries a punch (pun?).  The one thing that makes me edgy about it is that for the ingredients it says "vapor distilled/ deionized water."  What does that mean?? It does have a cute story printed on the back that says [in my summation]: "You do the same thing every day, get up, work, sit in traffic, don't you deserve a special, weird fruit flavor enhanced noncarbonated water?"  I guess I do . . .

How to Satisfy A Sporty Gay Couple

I felt like a dead shark in the water today.  The interesting thing is that whether tired or energetic I make almost the exact same time.  Now after swimming I feel energized.  I had a satisfying moment at the end of my swim today.  I saw it coming and eagerly anticipated it.  Two gay men wanted to share a lane together and they were anxiously waiting it out, hoping to get a lane (this is a real risk since it could be five minutes or the pool could become more crowded and then they lose out on any lane).  Just as their frustration was beginning to show itself I flashed around towards them at the end of the lane and said, "I'm done.  I just have one more lap."  Smiles lit up on their faces, and the more dominant of the two said, "Oh, great.  Thanks!"
Swim/gym cliche of the day:
A: (opens one of the good showers, one with a changing room --and finds someone in it, "Sorry!"
B: (quick nervous smile), No comment.

Water to More Water

The pool in the village is undergoing it's second to last day of five days of maintenance, so I swam on the upper west side.  It's been a rainy day all day, so I went from water to more water.  There were two elderly ladies talking in the slow lane, and I shared a lane with a man in the medium lane.  The ladies were drifting about in the lane, but the pool was not crowded, so it was not a problem.  It's a real conundrum as to how to handle folks who water walk, chat, or drift about when the pool is crowded.  It turned out that the elderly ladies and I all arrived in the locker area to change at the same time.  We were all piled into the same little corner of space.  We chatted each other up like grandchild and grandmothers.  We talked about how the old music is nice and how appalling the rock music is in the village.  We talked about how the most expensive gym on the upper west side has music underwater and how that is excessive.  We talked about how Howard Stern and Jerry Seinfeld go to that gym but that we have the Rock and the Wayans brothers.  Well, actually they had no idea who the celebs of our gym are (the latter three mentioned), but gave approving nodds to the glory I attached to our gym's stars as I described them.  Here's the swim/gym cliche of the day:
A: "The pool's a little crowded today."
B: "Must be because the one in the village is closed for maintenance."
A: "Yup."

Yawning Machine

I am posting the day after my swim because I was too tired to post last night.  I was a bit low on sleep yesterday so on the subway on my way to the gym, I was a yawning machine.  I felt so much like going to sleep and thought, "How am I going to swim a mile?"  In the locker room before my swim, H., a locker room worker who I refer to in these posts, gave me a sly gold toothed smile and threw out the nugget, "I've got a story for you...not now, after your swim."  Well, that gave me reason to swim! The pool was so crowded that I was the last one allowed in.  It turned out that the other two gals I was swimming with were perfect acquatic companions for me.  This is a rare exception to the usual situation where one person is too fast, slow, crazy, etc.  We had a nice rhythm, and even ended up doing a nice synchronized dance together (just kidding about that last part).  I started out the swim in agony due to fatigue but then went into the "zone" in which I am void of thoughts and the swimming becomes nearly effortless.  It likely helped to have the other girls in the lane with me because I knew I couldn't reduce speed since we all swam at the same pace.  Back in the locker room, I dashed to H. who told me about a recent tantrum she had when The Boss told her she had to work on a day when she was off with plans to see her kids. 
H: "I went off on him! I said, 'F you, M.F.er!' [she said the real words!].  He said, 'If you don't calm down, we'll have to call the authorities."  I wanted to say, 'I don't care if you call in the National Guard!' but I took a deep breath and told him that I had plans to see my kids.  He told me that because I get so many compliments, he'd let it go."
H. likely does get compliments.  Unlike the other locker room workers who are mainly Mexican and don't speak much English (as per H.), she is African American and treats the members like royalty.  At first I thought I was special, but then I noticed that everyone gets a towel put around their shoulders and similar niceties.  I hope she stays but with a temper like that, who knows if one day she'll simply be gone.

A Middle-Aged Bearded Man in a Red Speedo

Today I swam next to a middle-aged bearded man in a red Speedo.  Folks who swim in bikinis and Speedos annoy me.  It just seems unprofessional.  The bearded man and I have swam together several times. We have polite exchanges but I have a feeling he may be very difficult in real life.   Anyone who reminds me of a "father" brings out feelings of being infringed upon for me in the pool.  The pool is a place to get away.  A true story I tell about my dad occurred while I was home from college in Cincinnati.  We drove to the Cincinnati Sports Club and agreed to go off on our own and then meet to go home together.  I was enjoyuing a solo swim in the big, empty, beautiful indoor pool when an older man joined me in the same lane.  Every other lane was open, and I was the only one in the pool, so the etiquette of such a move was abismal! The man wore a snorkel and was ultra-hairy.  He was slow and splashy and a drifter.  Just as he was about to bump into me, I realized it was my father. 
Swim/gym cliche of the day:
A: (opening a full-size locker without a lock on it), "Oh, there's stuff in here!"
B: (putting stuff in a different locker), "I know, I went right for that one too!"
(A and B giggle together)

Drifters

Any day in which I don't have to circle swim is a good day.  Any day in which I don't have to swim against a wall is a great day.  Any day when I get a whole lane all to myself is a special day indeed.  Today fell into the category of a great day.  By the way, to address a question posed in "comments" as to why I like to swim by the rope, the answer is that I am hyper-careful not to bump into others, so if I'm swimming by the wall I scrape my knuckles against the wall.  But if I'm swimming by the rope I just swim with a third of my body slightly under the rope.  Hitting the rope doesn't hurt as much.  It's just annoying. 
Swim/gym cliche of the day:
(Both A and B in locker room after swimming)
A: Sorry for kicking you
B: That's okay, I think I was drifting
(Then A and B giggle a little)

Fin Fever

I swam seven sets of ten varied laps today.  The way I do this is to count each lap like this: 1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1, 2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2, etc.  That way it feels like I only have to swim ten laps! I daydreamed in the pool and felt like I was in total ecstasy! I remember a runner friend from childhood told me that she becomes exalted while running and God begins to talk to her.  It's endorphins, Honey, endorphins! When I came into the pool area there was only one spot that would not involve me swimming next to a wall.  Another woman was close behind me, so I dashed over to the good spot, and said to the man currently in it, "Do you mind if I swim next to you?"  What this translates to is, "I'm going to swim next to you."  He was stretching and very jovial.  He had an accent and said what sounded like some gibberish and ended with, "I'm Finnish!"  Often due to a swim cap and splashing and music people are hard to understand, so I asked him to repeat it twice, and it always sounded the same.  Finally I smiled back and nodded.  I thought to myself, "Okay, you're from Finland, cool, but whatever."  Then I got in next to him and began to swim.  He stretched another minute and then got out.  Oooohhh, I thought to myself, he was telling me that he was finished!
Swim/gym cliche of the day:
A: "You can have the lane by the rope.  I'm just stretching."
B: "Great, thanks!"

Fellow Fish

I swam sets of eight today.  I had my own lane most of the time.  Pure bliss! The second hand clock was not working, so I sort of thought of that every lap.  When I swim, I often focus completely on my immediate surroundings.  I achieve a real intimacy with anyone who also swims regularly.  We see each other under water too.  I can't always recognize folks outside of the swim area, though.  One man ran over to me on the street in a different neighborhood and said, "Hi! Good to see you!"  I didn't know who he was and he was surprised, telling me, "C'mon, we swim together all the time."  Now I reognize him in the pool!
Swim/gym cliche of the day:
A: "The water's cold today!"
B: "I know, I was shivering when I got in! But now I'm used to it!"

Smoking in the Pool

Today at the end of my swim, during my stretching, a British man in another lane chatted me up. He was a young fellow who appeared to be in good shape. He was huffing and puffing after his swim. First he called out to the life guard, "How many laps make a mile?" She answered, "Seventy." Then he turned to me and asked, "Does one lap count as one length of the pool or two?" I answered, "One." He said, "Are you sure? That's so short for a mile." I said, "Yes, I am sure. It's all posted on the wall," and I gestured towards the sign. He looked very excited and said, "I just quit smoking and already I'm able to swim a mile and one lap on top of it!" I said, "That's great!" Then after a few minutes of small talk, he left the pool and stopped by the sign on his way out. With a sad look on his face, he turned to the life guard and said, "I thought you said that seven laps equal a mile." She shook her head no, and after he left, the life guard and I giggled.
Swim/gym cliche for the day:
A (a person about to swim): "Is the pool crowded?"
B (a person just finished swimming): "It's not too bad."

Four Men Doing the Dolphin!

I swam in the village, and the pool is a little too warm and crowded there, but still it's home. I swam a pattern of eight laps that I repeated for forty-five minutes. It was taxing but not too bad. I might have been a bit low on sleep. A fella beside me in the lane was doing very rough flip-turns, and I got water in my ear during one of them. So for several hours after, I couldn't hear well in that ear. It always angers and amuses me when swimmers do not know that they've got a problem with being too wild in the pool. Generally this takes the form of a splashy flip turn or more embarrassing (if only they knew!) kicking too high above the water. Such high kicking creates a constant splashing, disturbing everyone but the swimmer. It's bad form too. Less embarrassing but difficult to swim next to is the dolphin stroke. Unlike with a crazy flip turn or tantrum-like kicking, the dolphin is done purposely (aka porpoisely). It jars the water but it's good form and is impressive to watch. One night four men came in and did the dolphin together and the pool was like a wave machine! It ruined it for the rest of us, but the life guard couldn't do much. I mean the dolphin is not illegal! I'm way too shy to do the dolphin in public! One night another full-figured, likely gay gal did the dolphin in beautiful form. I told her in the locker room after, "Nice dolphin." She said, "Thanks. It helped that I was angry." I nodded, not wanting to delve too deeply into her dolphin.
The swim/gym cliche for the day:
(When arriving to the pool area):
Swimmer (to lifeguard): "Hi."
Lifeguard: "Hi."
(When leaving the pool area):
Swimmer: "Thanks [for guarding me while I swam]. Have a good day."
Lifeguard: "You too."
Or maybe that's only my exchange!
By the way...does anyone read this blog? Email me and let me know!

Sometimes I think I am a fish

This was another empty weekend day at the pool. I always make sure to go at the right times when I am able to. The swimming felt so easy. It only feels this easy when I swim every day. The other things that help are having slept and not having had much to eat before swimming. The summer is the slowest time at work which helps because I can go to the gym at more varied times and my time is not so tight. Because of all the rituals involved in swimming (e.g. showering, drying wet swim stuff) it is a time consuming gym routine. This is part of it's magic too though. Wearing a swim suit and goggles and a swim cap makes me somewhat anonymous and going under water takes me out of the realm of humans and into the realm of fish. It's quiet and just so removed. The cliche for today happened to me during my routine this morning:
A: "I'm going to join you in this lane, okay?"
B: Looks at A with no expression and then keeps swimming.

Beat the Clock

I beat the clock today doing the routine I've been doing. That's always a good feeling. The water felt like velvet today, and the pool was pretty empty. I can't say enough how nice it is that this pool is still new enough to be a secret. This brings me to a new feature that I've decided to add onto this site: the gym/swim cliche of the day. Basically, just as the pool routine (e.g. swim, shower, get dressed, etc.) is generally always the same, so are the thoughts and conversational exchanges...with occasional exceptions. Most are pleasant exchanges but also funny because of how dependable the content is. So here is your first gym/swim cliche of the day:
A: "It's so wonderful that no one knows about this pool yet."
B: "I know. I hope it stays a secret."
A: "Yeah, the one in the Village has gotten so crowded."

Full frontal

I did the same swim routine as yesterday but this time I just cruised thru it, not thinking about anything. It was very pleasant. The upper west side gym is so empty at night. It's a great secret. My mind also remained peacefully blank while I showered. I enjoyed every bit of the ritual, down to blowdrying my flip flops. One second devoted to each area of the flip flop:
1) front straps
2) back buttons connecting the straps
3) tips of the flip flops
4) back ends of the flip flops
5) full frontal
6) full back
Then I place the flip flops in a plastic bag provided by the gym and put them into my own bag. I love a swim day like this, when I swim thru clouds.

A Time When Lap Swimmers are Banned...

Tonight I forgot about swim team practice, a time when lap swimmers are banned. I remembered a block or so from the gym so I lay down under a statue on the side of a fountain and listened to a man strum his guitar and sing as the sun went down. My swim itself was a bit tiring but not bad. I divided it into parts, an extra hard routine, followed by an extra easy routine. I thought about one of my patients, a young teenage girl I saw who I'm starting to think is a compulsive liar. I knew that she was deeply troubled the instant I met her. The first time we looked at each other, I felt an instant shock and then a headache began, as if all her pain had been transferred to me in that moment when our eyes connected. I thought about her fondly as I swam, frustrated that I knew her better at that first moment then anytime since then. After swimming, I ruminated about work, irritated by the politics of the day. H. (the locker room worker who I often talk to) and I exchanged glances but barely said hello, thinking our own thoughts.

A Fluffy Towel Kinda Gal

My swim went by very quickly tonight. Night swims are lovely, especially if the pool is nearly empty and beautiful classical music is playing. I daydreamed and swam a simple sequence that takes very little thought. Before my swim, the locker worker, H, picked out a fluffy towel for me to take into the swim area (she noted that it was one of the fluffy ones as she handed it to me). I laughed because there is a subtle difference between the fluffy towels and the not as fluffy towels, and I didn't know that others thought about it. I guess she could tell that I'm a fluffy towel kinda gal. After my swim she told me that during my swim a woman left a pocketbook in a locker with no lock so H. took it up front to the desk. I told H. about how my special goggles that keep me from having raccoon eyes after a swim were stolen from the hook outside my shower at another gym. As happens with gym talk about stealing, she one-upped me, telling of a a pair of girls with nipple rings who were "going together" and pulling a scam as members by taking purses out of unlocked lockers (imagining this definitely created an interesting visual). She said that a worker on the day shift saw what was going on and called the manager. The manager apprehended them, finding "purses inside of a bag inside of a bag inside of another bag."

A Perfectly Choreographed Swim Routine

Today I went swimming on the upper west side by the new mall. I'm so excited that it's not a work day and I can go to the mall after (I'm at the gym now, s/p swimming). I did a routine of laps that I choreographed similar to a tread mill program and it went perfectly. The mile lasted exactly forty-five minutes. Before my swim I talked to one of the workers in the locker room,H, a strong, tough yet nurturing woman who looks like she might be gay but probably isn't. She and I talk whenever we are both there. We talked about our Independence Days. I asked how hers was and she said, "Crowded!" She asked about mine and I said, "Not crowded because I was at home reading." She smiled and threw me a towel to take with me into the swim area. Then after my swim, I asked, "So where did you watch the fireworks?" She said, "From my bed!" I was confused for a minute. Did she live on the top floor of her building and have a glass ceiling? Did she have a whole bunch of others in her bed with her, like Madonna in Truth or Dare, making it very crowded? Then I realized she meant she saw the fireworks and the crowds on her television. She said excitedly, "What I did was I made myself two turkey burgers with lettuce and tomatoes and melted mozarella. I put my plate on a tray with a cup of soy bean milk and ice cream and I went to my bed and turned on the TV!" "That sounds great!" I answered, excited to hear such intimate details of her evening.

A Boring Swim

Today I went swimming on the upper west side. It was very uneventful. I mean it's not like a shark ever jumps out at me...but I have had more interesting days at the pool, and of course I had hoped that today would be one of those more exciting days since it is the first day of my swim blog. Hang in there, readers...

I did have a great swim. The water was cold and refreshing, and a boring swim may not make for a good read, but it is generally nice for the swimmer. Being that it is Independence Day, it was very empty. One man joined me for a little while but then was able to switch to a new lane when someone got out. I took advantage of having the whole lane to myself and did a lot of swimming on my back. It was an easy swim, no fatigue at all, and it went very quickly. I played games with numbers in my head while swimming, just counting laps of different strokes (e.g. for every four laps of the front stroke, I am allowed one lap of the back stroke, so if I do sixteen laps of the front stroke in a row, I can then do four laps of the back stroke in a row).

Perhaps one of the reasons that I like swimming is that it is boring. It is completely based on ritual, including the getting ready to swim, the swimming, and the getting ready to go home. My dad asked my brother, "How do you keep from getting bored while swimming?" I think the answer is to enjoy the boredom. I know I do.